Currently Listening Tarzan: An Original Walt Disney Records Soundtrack By Mark Mancina, Phil Collins Two Worlds see related

Baby Oh Baby

Today is the first day of Kwanzaa. For those of you who don't know what Kwanzaa is don't worry it's ok most of the black people that celebrate it don't know either. Well here is a brief explanation. It is not I repeat NOT a replacement for Christmas hence the whole beginning on December 26th thing. It is not a low budget Hanukkah as it has been sarcastically deemed. (Although the menorah knockoff is quite disturbing) It is neither a political or religious holiday. It is a time of reflection on african american ancestors, culture, and personal improvement. Today's theme is Umoja (oo-MO-jah) it stands for unity of family and community. So if you don't know now ya know.

I'm hot, broke and sick, that makes for a nice angry rant later but lets focus on the positives I'm so happy to be back on break. Seeing all my old friends was fantastic. I got to see most of my cousins I think all of them need mental help but they my fam. Finals were kinda of nasty just had to get ready for my auditions. By the time you read this I will have had them but I won't tell how they went time the semester starts. But other than that It's been pretty low key. So I'll move on to my rant. Today's Rant: Babies. Now I love babies I really do. Me and babies have a cool arrangement. They don't poop, pee, or throw up on me and I talk to them like they got some sense. You ever wonder what a baby is thinking when you given that *Ahh-gee-boo-boo* speech. You must look extra stupid. And did you ever stop to think if that is a real baby langauge. You may have just cussed that baby out trying to be funny. But still normally babies are cool. I think the main problem is the parents. If I asked you how come when I'm sick you don't want me to be near your baby? You would answer "So my baby doesn't get sick." Good answer but the real question is "How come when your baby is sick you can't wait to shove that twenty pound sack of germs in my face." Parents keep your sick babies to yourself. If you have a sick baby you don't get to go out. There is now me time with a sick baby stay home with your sick baby. Welcome to parenthood 101. Basic math Sick baby = no social life. You wanted a baby so badly now deal with it.  Also know this your baby is not that cute. When out at a movie, concert, church service, etc. Lets pretend just for a moment that there are other people that might want to hear what's going on. Take the baby to the nursery!! Sit in the back and when the baby fusses (and it will) here is a novel idea; leave! I know you want to see the show but so do I and I really don't enjoy the sounds of christmas songs and crying babies. If that's your thing I'm sure there is a nice section of Itunes where you can buy it. I'm sorry but the old tactic of bouncing it and going "shhhhhh" hasn't worked since ...ever Only thing is your baby is now crying rhythmically with an extra ambiance of a leaking pipe. Are people really that dense. When your baby is crying and your trying to shut it up. Do you even consider the people around you. Or are you under the impression that everyone loves your baby so much they think it's cute. If you said yes to the latter please come to my house, knock on the door, turn around, and grab you ankles so I can kick you savagely in the posterior. Well thats my rant I'm Out Much Love

Operation White Out 2

I wanted to post this in response to my White Out experiment. This one may be a little preachy but I'm at bible college. If I'm not entitled to get preachy who is? I would like to say the experiment was a success. It caused just enough buzz to get people asking some questions. I even got to talk to some teachers. I did have one run in with a critic but It was a great one. So great I'm going to give you the transcript. Enjoy.

Girl: You know you've got some nerve. What if I walked around in blackface?

Jonathan: I'd throw things.

Girl: Well that essentially what your doing right now.

Jonathan: We'll call it a fair exchange. What you guys do when you walk around like you got a radio in your pants, trying to be us we can call behavioral blackface.

Girl: We don't all do that .

Jonathan: We don't all do this, so deal with it.

Girl: You're a jerk

Jonathan: Yes I am. But I'm a jerk that make a great point. *blows her a kiss*

Girl: But your offending me

Jonathan: And there is no greater crime known to man I'm sure.

Girl: I would never do anything to offend anyone.

Jonathan: Easy it's a long way down from that soapbox.

Girl: You know what just forget it. *storms off*

I won't say who the girl is but she reads this and she'll be assaulting be soon. So when the headlines read "Black man beaten to death with bag of kittens" the girl they arrest s the one. Yesterday we got to see President Bush. Now I bet you expect me to bear my claws of logical justice and go on the offensive. But this time I won't. Maybe due to some human decency, but it's more likely I fear the massive number of Republicans that would destroy me. But I will give you the  top five thought that went through my mind during the rally

5. Does every college student Republican have to look like Alex P. Keaton from "Family Ties"?

4. Did Bush really just come out to "Eye of the Tiger?

3. I think it's brave of the Democrats to protest outside a Republican rally. After all Republicans carry guns.

2. "Dear BBC student your attendance is appreciated...and required.

1. I think if you're black hell will be a never ending Republican rally.

Ok enough countdowns time for my rant. Today's rant: The One Guy. Have you ever noticed or been that one guy who hangs out with a group of five girls. That was me today. Now some really really dumb people would say that's a good thing. Makes the guy look like a playa. But that's just it. It look good but it 's terrible in reality. There is a mathematical correlation between the number of girls a guy is hanging out with and his chances of dating them. A mans chance to get a woman is cut in half once for every girl that he is outnumbered by. The reason behind this is girls get dumber as their numbers increase. While one girl may be able to enjoy a normal activity with a man. Multiple girls are only concerned with putting said male in as many uncomfortable situations as possible. For examples Listening to Natasha Beddingfield in the car, going underwear shopping, going purse shopping, discussing tampons, etc. This is very unfair and cold blooded. You ladies should be about helping this guy. Not dropping his testosterone to dangerous levels. I'll leave you with this thought. If you ladies are out as a group of more than four and there is one guy with you and none of you help him get a girl. One of you should take one for the team. I'm out Much Love

Operation White Out

Yesterday I started what I would call a satirical sociological experiment. Now since the vast majority of you who read this go to BBC, you probably have no idea what any of those word s mean. Being the benevolent educator of the masses that I am I will first hurl myself to the ground and weep for my peers, mourning their literary skills, then I will explain. (The following explanation will be translated in the JJ Butler *Read Dummy* English) Satirical *Funny, Ridiculous, but it should make a smart person think* Sociological * Deals with those people that you walk around with whether you want to or not. Experiment *To try something, dribble shoot hope for the best* Now that we are clear lets move on. Yesterday I put white make-up on an decided to be a white guy. I figured since white people have so much fun being us and making us look retarded I would be them for a week. I have claimed all the power for the white male. I can get loans, catch cabs, dance badly, walk around with an undeserved sense of entitlement knowing I own 70% of the world and there is nothing you can do about it, clap on the one and three beat of a song, have no knowledge of anything that doesn't pertain directly to me and be proud of it, and most importantly date the girls at BBC with no fear of ballistic discharge for male parental units. I feel the style less power flow through my veins. I will keep you posted on all results. But for now my rant. Today's Rant: Rappers. The time has come for me to turn on my own. There is a song out there called "Does your Chain Hang Low" by Jibbs. This has got be the worst rap song of the year. It's so devoid of all mental substance that it could technically be filed under the category of a Weapon of Mass Destruction and Jibbs should be arrested for crimes against the cognitive abilities of the United States. Normally songs like this would pass right off the sense and fade into obscurity. But with the landscape of music being what it is the song has sadly found an audience. Namely people that don't know Tupac from Too Short. (That means you. Oh don't act like you can name three songs either one of these guys.) I won't identify who I mean. (But lets just say they are pigmently challenged) but they can be identified by this song as their ringtone and repeatedly sing it in my face despite my obvious disgust. This is of course the worst part. This Jibbs guy is under the impression that he is eloquent. Note the contrast between his words and lyrics. "Yo man I'm a street prophet I'm just doing for my hood. I'm dey heart, dey love, dey voice. I'm keeping it real for them. Man One Love"/ "Do your Chain Hang Low? Do it wobble to and fro? Is it shining in the light? Is it platinum is it gold? Excuse me for a moment. *Hurls up liver* Sorry about that. I think this whole situation can be summed up in one statement: "If you don't have anything nice to say, For the love of God and all things holy SHUT UP!!! That's my rant I'm out Much Love.

Home Again

Hey everybody I got to go home. Got to see my crazy looking granny. Here my mom snore on the couch. Car alarms, police sirens, *satisfied sigh* that felt so good. But yeah it was good to see everybody again. Right now I'm in Personal Evangelism Two Spiritual Giants are arguing a point that neither one of them really understand. It's almost interesting. It's kind of sad but funny. Check this out. In our school news paper they did a satirical story on why we should burn down the rainforest. It was fairly humorous but the real joke was in the upper left hand corner. There was a note that was explaining that this was a satirical story and not to be taken seriously. Now that's sad that we have to be told that this is a joke. Someone of you may be wonder what so dumb about that. Well you are the people that I guess needed that. But here is the punchline. Underneath that was a double note that gives a dictionary definition of what satire is. How pathetic. Have we become that dumb as a people that we don't even know what satire is. We're in college for crying out loud. This is a big red flag that says we desperately need to raise our academic standards. But when I think about some of the people here I think I understand why they did that. Some people just don't get it. Speaking of Which this brings me to my rant. Today's Rant: Monday Night Football. Ok I know I'm gonna to make two girls in particular mad with this one but hey that's life. Monday night football is an event not some passing thing an event. Men like MNF (that an abbreviation go with it. Or do I need a dictionary definition of abbreviation). That's a part of life. Many girls have said *in nagging voice*"you watch football all the time. You can miss this one." Once and for all I give you this mathematical equation One game does not equal another. If the two best teams are playing Monday it is not the same as when he watch the two worst teams play on saturday. No matter what he watched he wants to see the big game on monday. Deal with it. We get that American Idol is an event for you guys. We don't mess with that. How about this Watch the entire season of Gillmore Girls get to the series finale then have us change the channel and say you've watched Gillmore girls all the time you can miss this one. I don't think they would ever find all of the pieces of our body. Have I helped make that a little clearer. I'm sure I've destroyed my date life from her on out be I call em like I see em. That's my rant I'm Out Much Love

Trapped